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The Value of Knowing Self

Self

Life often requires us to pay attention to ourselves and respect our wishes and desires. Sadly, too many of us choose to ignore what our inner selves have to say to us. We are complex and spiritual beings that must be validated everyday. Being the guardian of your inner life must become your highest priority. You must never allow people, institutions or social traditions to speak to you so loudly that you cannot hear yourself. Everyone has a hidden agendas and expectations about us that are not necessarily in our best interest. This is not to say that others can not provide you with important information or insight about yourself, but if you do not see the value in what they are saying then it has limited meaning to you.

One of the saddest things for me as a psychologist is to see 40, 50, and 60 year olds struggle with the hurts and pains of the past disappointments and betrayals. Many of these clients have carried around these hurts for decades, and for some since childhood. Not knowing who we are and what we provide to this world is one of the most destructive forces in today’s society. When you do not take quiet time, time to listen inwardly, you begin look outside yourself for salvation and definition. By ignoring your own spiritual force, you dishonor yourself and risk becoming a pain filled impostor.

Nourishing your self is fundamental in your life from the moment you are born into this world, just as a baby seeks out the nourishment of life from others be it food or love. Tragically, this comfort with seeking self-nourishment is taken away from many us by others. As you get older, it becomes incumbent upon you to find new ways to become nourished.

When you do not nourish yourself, you become estranged which leads to satisfy your natural hunger in harmful and unhealthy ways. We have the wisdom, courage, and stamina to endure, to overcome, and succeed. You cannot benefit from your inner wisdom if you do not take time to listen inwardly. The wise voice at the center of your being is never silent. Life is first an inner experience. All the peace and security you are seeking is within you. If you sincerely want harmony, peace, and joy in your life you can have them, but you must be willing to do the work.

Faith

Your perspective on life determines how you see yourself, how you live each day and how you relate to the world. Faith is potent. It is a generator. What you believe becomes the starting point of what you will experience and ultimately become. When you compromise your faith, you sacrificed your soul.

Having faith does not mean simply sitting back and waiting for miracles. Life itself is the miracle. I have witnessed all to often individuals sitting, waiting, and demanding that someone else make them happy. No one else has the power or the ability to make you truly happy. You have the power within to create great things. First, you must believe in your innate power.

You must set high goals and work toward them consistently. Sometimes you must sit back and ask yourself, “I am I taking responsibility for my life?”; “Do I have faith in my ability to bring me all that I want and deserve. You must find ways to renew your faith in yourself and faith in others. Know that life always has something very special in store for you. Affirm your beauty, your intelligence, and your legacy within your family, community and people.

Once you begin to practice living with positive faith, you become aware of all the great opportunities available to you each day. You are able to see and do things that you once thought were impossible. Life then becomes the springboard from which you live and succeed. Caring for and sharing with others becomes an essential element of who you are. Friends and family members begin to notice this new spirit, this new soul, this new you and it’s beautiful.

Once the cycle of negativity is broken your faith in yourself and the goodness for life is restored; thus making all things possible. Many of my clients have asked me over the years, “What’s Happiness?” I simply say, “Happiness is loving and having faith in your life’s purpose.” If you are unable to love or have faith in yourself or and others it then becomes impossible to feel connected with others so that they can see the real you.

Possibilities and Change

Unfortunately, most people settle for small lives. They limit themselves because of their fear and lack of faith. We fear change and resist it because it threatens the order -- or disorder -- in our lives. We see many who refuse to try anything new out of this fear. Tragically, we are all too comfortable with settling for a familiar pain or disappointment rather than taking a risk to possibly get out of life what we really want -- genuine happiness and peace of mind.

Change always means leaving something or someone behind. When we brake with the past, it forces us to question ourselves deeply and to do the work of recreating out lives. Change is often hard work and sometimes very hard work. Change often brings up feelings of dread, anxiety and relief. Change brings us possibilities and opportunities. Very little of our life is possible without change and risk.

We repeatedly limit ourselves because change may well mean dealing with the disapproval of the very people we rely on for support which includes family, friends, neighbors, etc. We will expend a great deal of energy concealing our true thoughts and feelings under the guise of not rocking the boat or not hurting someone’s feelings. Doubts and insecurities undermine our belief in ourselves and make us feel afraid to go against the tide or brake from familiar pasts.

What we are really doing is protecting ourselves, shielding ourselves from rejection, disapproval, or conflict. Unfortunately, the conflict is not avoided its simply shifted inwardly where it demolishes the soul. This is the cornerstone of family secrets, emotional pain, psychological difficulties, and a nation unable to talk about issues that divide and pit one against another.

We are not powerless spectators of life. Dare to believe that you can live fully and as successful as you can imagine. No matter how tangled your life may seem, no matter how great the loss you have experienced or how deep the rut you are in you have the capacity to transform yourself and bring forth a new beginning. The first thing you must do is accept ownership of your life.

How your life ultimately turns out to be is greatly due to how you deal with the adversity and opportunities that will come your way. The question is “What choices will you make?” With conviction and with force, declare, “I am in charge of me, my thoughts and my actions.” “I have the power to live my heart’s desire. Whatever they might be.” We are held back greatly by the limits we place on ourselves and by following the dreams that others have dreamt for us.

Winning Attitude

What is your attitude about your life? The choice is yours. Do you fully appreciate the distances you have traveled and the accomplishments you have attained? A negative attitude about where you are in your life creates a losing cycle where you constantly criticize yourself that leads to self-doubts and feelings of diminished self-worth. I have found that we have the uncanny ability to be our worst enemy.

We can spend hours, if not days, pointing out every flaw in our character, thoughts, and feelings. We can recount the exact moment with detail our biggest mistakes in life. Why is it not as easy to point out and describe in detail all that is good about us? Why is it that we are often ashamed or embarrassed by the good we bring to this world? There is something fundamentally wrong with not being able to talk about and acknowledge the positive spirits inside.